It wouldn't be America without the occasional lawsuit laying blame where it couldn't possibly belong. Now, these suits crop up every now and again, for sure, but this one in particular tweaked me. The saintly lawyer in this case, Jack Thompson, had previously sent letters, prior to the shootings, asking Wal-Mart and Sony to drop the games. So, naturally, when this case came along, confirming that his sage-like foreknowledge regarding the imminent lethality of these murder training programs was true... he had no choice but to file a million-dollar suit on the victim's behalf. According to him, Sony and Wal-Mart practically begged him to help save the children. "It's not like this is coming out of the blue," he told CNN, "they chose to ignore this danger."

Uh-huh. I suppose since he lost a similar suit in 1997 stemming from the Paducah, Kentucky school shooting, perhaps he's betting that a post 9/11 world will see things his way... for the children, I mean. The $33 million in the Paducah case had nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.

Now, despite the fact that millions of minors and adults around the world play the insanely popular Grand Theft Auto games and don't go on shooting sprees, apparently these games are the cause of the violence in this case. It wasn't poor judgment on the part of the kids. It wasn't inattentive parents. And it wasn't the fact that the means to unlock the gun cabinet weren't cleverly hidden enough. No, it was the game, apparently. After all, the kids "got the idea" for the crime from the game.

Hmm, that's some pretty good reasoning, and, by that logic, it's Knitting Digest's fault that my Grandma has foisted so many bad sweaters upon me over the years. I suspect she got her "ideas" from that loathsome tome, and I want my due! Sure, you can take away her needles and her yarn, but the real culprits are those cowardly sexagenarians up in the ivory tower they call the Knitting Digest corporate office. They cravenly wrap themselves in the intarsia knit blanket of the First Amendment, caring nothing for the bulging storage boxes and awkward stares suffered by our nation's grandchildren. It means nothing to the soulless, black-hearted capitalists at Knitting Digest that I suffer. Jack Thompson, if you're listening, I need your help!